Yes I used perfect cell for this. Yes I probably should change it. No I’m not going to 💀💀💀.

How “Perfect” Can You Truly Be?

Throughout my life, I’ve done nothing to strive to achieve. Matter of fact, I’ve done more at doing work for others than I do working on myself other than trying to secure my future. But now I’m 22, and I delve on my past on how I got to this moment. In all honesty, it’s exhausting.

I used to strive to be a perfectionist for the people. I’d over achieve not to please others or myself, but to help. I used to beat myself up for making mistakes, even though I was either metaphorically (or often literally) carrying tons of things consistently. I don’t do it just for a “resume builder”, as providing your time and effort towards an issue is great and you should credit yourself for it. However, if you’re primary reason, or initial interest, was benefiting yourself more than what you’re trying to aid, in my opinion that’s a little weird.

Regardless, in the field of what I work in, I sometimes get burnout from not only the physical labor, but the psychological toll that academia and institutions can have on somebody even if they believe they’re prepared. In addition, I have an aching fear that if I’m not doing something (some project or whatever in regards to food insecurity or something), I’m essentially “wasting my time”. Though unfortunately, this feeling of pressure from my own expectations, and the expectations that I have to live up to, isn’t reserved strictly for adults.

A study by Suniya S. Luthar and Bronwyn E. Becker (Child Development, 2002) was pretty interesting when I was searching about this topic. Their study is called “Privileged but Pressured? A study of Affluent Youth”, and while the results are quite depressing, from my own experiences, I’m not surprised in the slightest.

The research aimed to challenge a common assumption that affluent suburban youth are a “low risk” for mental health and substance use/abuse in this demographic, and aimed to examine possible links to three hypothesized stressors: achievement pressures (something I have a struggle with), parental isolation (something a lot of my friends struggle with), and peer influences. The study had 302 students (sixth and seventh graders) from an affluent suburban community with an average income that was well above national and regional medians. There were a lot of topics about perfectionism, substance use, delinquent behavior, anxiety and depression, parent-child relationships, etc.. For me to explain each and every one would be really long, so I heavily suggest you read through the research article. The results are as followed.

Especially in older girls, they showed a clinically SIGNIFICANT sign of depressive symptoms at rates exceeding national norms, and anxiety were also elevated among both boys and girls. Substance use was even worse, as seventh graders had substance use rates three time higher than sixth graders. Perfectionistic strivings were abundant as there were concerns over mistakes, doubts about actions, peer and parental expectations, and parental criticism.

These were all viewed as personal flaws, and were more likely to experience emotional distress and substance misuse “In conjunction with prior evidence obtained with affluent high school students, findings of this study indicate that (1) incidence of clinically significant depressive symptoms can be unusually high among suburban adolescent girls, (2) substance use is high among both male and female teenagers, (3) internalizing symptoms may often be implicated in substance use, and (4) peers may often actively approve of substance use among adolescent boys” (Luthar & Becker).

Again, I highly recommend you read throughout that whole article with the link given below. In comparing myself to the article, although we may not share the same symptoms, our illnesses are alike.

With all that being said though, now my journey is answering this one question. How do I manage? How do I manage the complications of trying to be my best self for others, all while making sure I’m ok? How do I ensure myself that I’m doing something, but making sure that whatever I’m doing isn’t excessive?

The Best I can, in the Best Possible Way.

For as long as I can remember, this has been my personal mantra. It feels like it gives me enough control to understand my limits, but still holds me accountable to my expectations and gives leeway to shift them based on the situation. I no longer feel as much weight as I used to from the “it has to be me, regardless of the tolls and consequences, for the great or good” mentality. I no longer have to adhere to my own unnecessary perfectionism. I gave myself a chance to breathe while making sure I stay on track. I allowed myself to do the best I can, in the best possible way.

At least that’s what it feels like, I dunno I could just be yapping. I’ll give you an update on how I’m doing later on!

Lasting Message:

Driving on the lane of perfectionism is a hassle: every pebble looks like it could wreck your car. You swerve and strain to avoid the smallest bumps, even risking crashes in the process. But the truth is, no matter how carefully you drive, road bumps and pebbles are inevitable, and they’re apart of the journey.

Switch lanes, ease your grip on the wheel, and enjoy the drive. Scratches don’t stop you from reaching your destination, they show that you kept moving forward.

Sincerely,

Cravings and Comfort

Link to Article: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3524830/