How did we get here?
Take a second to think about your whole life. I don’t mean just what you did to get here, I mean every meaningful, and nonmeaningful interaction good, bad, neutral, a mixture of sorts. Things that matter, and things that you think don’t matter. This will important later.
How do bad habits even work?
Nobody wants to have objectively bad habits- things that short or long-term negatively impact you. Staying up all night scrolling, being late to stuff, missing deadlines, drinking or drugs, etc., all examples of common bad habits that we’re all familiar with even if we don’t have them. But how do they even work?
Let’s look at this at a scientific lens
According to News in Health (NIH):
https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2012/01/breaking-bad-habits
“But there’s one important difference,” Poldrack says. And this difference makes the pleasure-based habits so much harder to break. Enjoyable behaviors can prompt your brain to release a chemical called dopamine. “If you do something over and over, and dopamine is there when you’re doing it, that strengthens the habit even more. When you’re not doing those things, dopamine creates the craving to do it again,” Poldrack says. “This explains why some people crave drugs, even if the drug no longer makes them feel particularly good once they take it.”
In a sense, then, parts of our brains are working against us when we try to overcome bad habits. “These routines can become hardwired in our brains,” Volkow says. And the brain’s reward centers keep us craving the things we’re trying so hard to resist.
This at least gives us a little bit of insight and starts us off strong. Habits are pretty much routines or behaviors that we perform automatically, often with little conscious thought, and breaking bad habits are hard because of the limits of self-control, the “hardwiring” of our brains, the rush of dopamine and the reward system, etc.
There’s one problem I have with this though, is that it doesn’t feel complete, like a puzzle piece is missing or something. Maybe I worded my initial question wrong… or… let me ask it a different way.
How do bad habits even start?
Never believe that it takes 21 days to break a bad habit. It’s dumb, dumber than dumb- one might even say stupid. Whoever initially came up with that was most certainly out of their mind.
Here are a few bad habits that I could think of off the top of my head:
- Stress eating or eating disorders
- Aggression
- Ignorance and arrogance
- Apologizing for things that weren’t your fault
- Drinking/Smoking
- Lying
- Gambling
- Not strictly money, but other personal assets
- Gossiping
- Forgetting to enjoy their lives
- Procrastination
- Comparing yourself to others
- Talking more than listening
- Unable to trust others
- Lack of sleep
- Refusal to express emotions
- i.e. “real men don’t cry”, emotions of a robot, etc.
- Attention seeking/People pleasing
Now here’s where what I had you do from earlier comes into play. From the beginning of your life, to where you are now, think of all the bad habits you had. Maybe it’s some from this list, some that you’ve conquered, some that you’re currently going through, just think about them.
Now, think about how you got them. Some may be easier to remember than others, but really try and grasp how you got to here.
The challenge with bad habits like these is that a lot of them weren’t even our fault. I could think of a million scenarios like:
- Things can transpire with family trauma; it could’ve happened to us, or we witnessed it, which completely alters who were
- You grew up too fast and developed at a stage of life that you shouldn’t of been at due to x, y, and/or z reason.
- A relationship whether romantic or not ended terribly, and you find it impossible to trust people as much as you did before
- You’ve had a lot of emotional neglect growing up, and struggle to feel like you’re “seen” by others
- You were always told that you had to be better than the person next to you no matter the costs
- Social media (which can really in itself explain borderline half of these bad habits)
Again, the scenarios are endless, but now looking at it the list I made, a lot of these triggers have to do with being young. Kinda crazy, no? Maybe your parents, siblings, spouse, friends- whatever- carry a lot of unaddressed bad habits and trauma that solidified into their character, or transformed into something worse. Maybe in some situations, bad habits that other people have get transferred to us because that’s what happened to them.
Who knows, ya know?
Nevertheless, my main advice for you is to genuinely identify your bad habits- no matter how big or small they may be. Trace them back to where they started, and how they’ve transpired and evolved throughout your life. In all honesty, relapsing, deep diving, and unpacking every part of who you are is a long and sometimes exhausting process- it’s never easy by any means.
But the sense of accomplishment after you conquer those bad habits is well worth it in the end. I wish I could share that same feeling with you, but it’s something best discovered on your own. Trust me, I believe in you!
Sincerely,
Cravings and Comfort
Cravings & Comfort 